Finding Her Way Read online

  Holding onto the railing, Jerrica tossed her head back, encouraging Devin’s continued path. The pleasure the soft lips were offering assaulted Jerrica’s senses. Her knees were shaking as she released the railing. Running her hands through the golden tresses, she gently encouraged Devin’s face to look at her. She could see the raw desire reflected in her eyes. “Let’s go back inside.”

  Devin’s smile broadened as she took her hand and led them back into the bedroom.

  Jerrica stopped at the side of the bed. “Let me help you with this,” she smirked.

  Jerrica’s hands moved down to the tiny stylish buckle on Devin’s pants, pulling it free with ease. Her hand intentionally touched Devin skin as she lowered the zipper. She smiled as Devin released a groan. Working her hands around the waistband, she slid the pants down and watched them puddle at their feet. Jerrica sensually guided her hands under the hem of the turtleneck, lifting the garment. She grinned when she received hurried assistance. Once the shirt was off, Jerrica captured Devin’s lips, kissing them softly at first and then pressing harder as desire grew.

  Devin could feel a yearning from deep inside as she lowered their bodies to the bed. The kiss was broken with the urgency to breathe. Devin stared down at the beautiful woman who was lovingly looking up at her.

  Jerrica’s hand caressed Devin’s flushed cheek. “I love you,” Jerrica’s voice said softly.

  Turning her lips into the hand, Devin gently licked the exposed palm. Jerrica knew she was offering not only her body, but her heart as well. Smiling, Devin lowered her head, stopping millimeters from Jerrica’s lips.

  “I know you do,” Devin whispered, selfishly capturing Jerrica’s mouth, as their bodies became one.

  Soon they would find the rhythm that would bring them to ecstasy…together.

  They spent the weekend in bed, each enjoying what the other was offering. They left the room only for food or the bathroom. When the last hours of their perfect weekend arrived, they sat cuddled in a chair on the balcony, wrapped only in a blanket. Jerrica sat comfortably in Devin’s lap as they witnessed the breaking of dawn. They had created this world just for the two of them. The rest of the world didn’t matter and nothing else existed as long as they were holding one another. Jerrica angled her head to see Devin. “I hate to say this, but we have to go back today.”

  “I know,” Devin’s tone was flat.

  “Are you ok?”

  “I don’t want this to end.”

  “I don’t want it to end, either.”

  “This has been the best weekend of my life.”

  “It’s been great for me, too. Unfortunately, we do have to return to the world sometime.”

  “Why?”

  “We can’t live off of love, Devin. I do have to support myself. Don’t worry, everything will be all right.”

  Jerrica kissed Devin softly, wiggling out of the warm embrace. “I’m going to shower,” She held up a staying palm. “Without you. I really need to start packing and if you join me, we’ll never get out of here at a decent hour.”

  Devin smiled with pleasure as she observed a very naked Jerrica saunter her way into the bathroom. Devin caught the devilish grin Jerrica was wearing before she disappeared.

  She hoped Jerrica was right, that they would be fine once they left the cottage. Deep down, Devin had her doubts that this relationship would have a happy conclusion. Standing with the blanket tightly around her body, she returned to the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. She heard the water running from the shower as she dug into her overnight bag to find her cell phone. They had promised one another, no contact to or from the outside world during their weekend alone.

  Devin was about to break that promise. Finding the phone with ease, she flipped it to see the screen. Thirty-five missed calls, twenty-eight voicemails. She touched the screen to see who had called. More than half were from her father, a few from her mom, and the rest from her assistant. She groaned with the thought of having to explain why she had totally disappeared for the weekend. Turning to return the phone to her bag, it rang. His number flashed on the screen. The same number she had seen since her youth, her father’s number. If she didn’t answer it, he would keep calling and she would have hell to pay when she would see him. Touching the screen, she answered his call.

  Jerrica could hear raised voices outside the bathroom door. She quickly finished rinsing and turned the water off. To her surprise, Jerrica could hear Devin’s father. She knew Devin must be on her phone. His voice was so loud it was as if he was standing in the next room. The raised tones told her they were having an argument. Upset that Devin had broken their agreement, she wrapped herself in the first available towel and opened the door. At first, she thought Devin had heard her, but after a few seconds she realized that wasn’t true. Devin was standing out on the balcony, still wrapped in their blanket with her back to the room. Jerrica was about to announce herself, when a spout of venom came from the speakerphone.

  “Then tell me where the hell you have been the past two days!”

  “I told you, I needed some time away.”

  “Yes, I heard you say that. I didn’t buy that expensive phone for you not to use, young lady.”

  “You didn’t buy me this phone, Dad. Mom gave it to me for my birthday.”

  “Where do you think your mother gets her money?”

  “Hypocrite,” she whispered under her breath.

  “What was that?” His tone elevated a little more.

  “It was nothing, Dad. So what is so important that you called fifty million times?”

  “Show me some respect young lady, I am still your father! You go off God knows were, with God knows who, for two days without any contact. That’s disrespectful to me and to your mother.”

  “I’m twenty-eight years old, Dad. I don’t need to check in every day.”

  “Yes, you do!”

  Jerrica could see the frustration in Devin’s tense posture. She started toward Devin to comfort her but froze when the harsh voice came back from the phone.

  “When are you going to stop fooling around with all these young men and settle down? You know your mom and I love you and worry about you. We want to make sure you have someone who will take care of you and give us grandchildren.”

  Jerrica almost choked as she felt the bile rise in the back of her throat.

  Devin sighed. “Dad I’m not that old. I can still have fun from time to time. I’ll find a man when I’m ready for a permanent relationship. You can’t rush me into marriage or children.”

  “Well, we would like to see our grandchildren before we are too old to enjoy them.”

  “We keep discussing the same thing lately. I’m not ready. I’ve just started enjoying the life that I’ve built.”

  “Well, if you stopped spending so much time with your friends, you would have more time to look for the right husband.”

  “I don’t want to discuss this with you right now. I’m on the Cape visiting friends and will be leaving for the city soon.”

  “Your mother and I are in Nantucket. I want you to come here. We have business to discuss and we can talk about your future as well.”

  “Dad, I carpooled down here, I don’t have my own car.”

  “Fine, give me the address and I’ll send my driver on the mainland to retrieve you.”

  “I would rather you didn’t.”

  “Devin Lynn Daniel, you will come to the house! That’s not a request!”

  Devin lowered her head in defeat. Tears filled her eyes as she blurted out the address.

  “That’s a good girl. The driver will be there in less than an hour. He’ll call you when he gets into town, so you can be ready. Now, be a good girl and say your respectful good-byes to your companions,” he instructed. “Do you hear me, Devin?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good! I’ll see you soon. Love you, baby.”

  “Love you too, Daddy,” Devin returned her response lifeless.

  Devin tapp
ed the phone off and stared out into the water. Suddenly, Devin must have realized it was quiet in the house and there was no sound of running water. Turning around she saw a stunned Jerrica standing in the middle of the room. Devin rushed inside.

  “Stop,” yelled Jerrica, putting up her hand.

  “Jerrica, let me explain.”

  “What is there to explain? I heard most, if not all of your conversation. You’ve been lying all this time. You’ve lied to me. You’ve lied to your parents. The saddest thing is you’re lying to yourself. You’re too scared to say no to Daddy. You let him control your life. To top this all off, I’m just a plaything to you, to pass the time until you find mister right. Did I miss anything?”

  “Jerrica, you’re not my plaything, nor have I treated you that way. It just my….”

  “I know it’s all about your father. He runs your life and you let him. So, who’s to blame here? I’ve been open with you from the start. I was in the closet for too many years Devin, and I won’t go back there! I hurt many people pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I won’t hide and I won’t lie for you.”

  Jerrica stepped back, contemplating her next move. Frustrated, she sat on the edge of the bed with her hands resting in her lap.

  “Jerrica, please listen to me,” Devin pleaded but didn’t move toward her.

  “I think you need to take your shower now. Your father’s driver will be here soon to fetch you,” she said looking down at her hands.

  Devin was at a loss for words. Her heart was breaking, but she knew in some sense, Jerrica was right, her Father did run her life. The silence in the room became deafening for the both of them.

  Jerrica’s shaky voice whispered. “Please, take your shower. I need time to think.”

  Devin tossed the blanket that they had shared onto the bed and entered the bathroom.

  Jerrica felt numb. What am I supposed to do now? Get up and stand on your feet, you don’t want to be in this room when she gets out of the bathroom. Jerrica grabbed everything she could find that belonged to her and quickly stuffed it in her bag. “I’ll get dressed downstairs,” she mumbled to herself. “Right now I need to get away from her.”

  With one last glance at the closed bathroom door, Jerrica was out of the room and down the stairs in a huff.

  Twenty minutes later, Devin appeared, carrying her suitcase and shoulder bag. Jerrica noticed that Devin had decided to pull her hair back, off her face, into a clip. She was wearing a familiar outfit, a pair of khaki pants with a white tank top. She glanced up, watching as Devin placed her bags near the entranceway then walked toward the kitchen. Jerrica was standing on the farthest side of the kitchen, putting distance between them, cutting vegetables on the middle island. As if a light switch turned on in her head, she remembered where, she had seen the outfit.

  Jerrica spoke first. “Did you bring your blazer?”

  Confusion crossed Devin’s face. “Sorry, I don’t understand.”

  Still chopping vegetables, Jerrica continued. “I’ve seen you wearing that in your office. I’m asking if you have your blazer to complete your ensemble.”

  Devin answered the question in a dull tone, “Actually, yes. It’s in my suitcase.”

  “Need to look all business when you see mommy and daddy?” Bitterness was evident in her voice.

  “Are you staying,” Devin asked, noticing all the cut vegetables.

  “Not that it is any of your business, but yes. I’m not ready to face anyone so soon after this weekend.”

  “Jerrica, please, I don’t want to end our weekend like this,” Devin’s voice was trembling.

  Tears started to form in Jerrica’s eyes. One tear bravely escaped and tumbled down her cheek. Jerrica whispered.

  “Devin, this is not only the end of our weekend but it’s the end of us. I can’t do the lying and sneaking around thing. It took me a long time to get to where I am today. I am proud of the person I’ve become and I will not hide for you or for anyone ever again. I don’t trust you and if I can’t trust you, then there is no reason for us to be together.”

  Devin gazed down at her hands that now rested on the counter top. Her heart was broken. “Don’t do this, please. Jerrica, you don’t understand? My life is complicated …well my….”

  For a brief second Jerrica wanted to console her because she recognized the inner torment of what she was going through. She had traveled part of this road herself in discovery of her truth. However, she also knew that if Devin wanted to change, she would have to do it on her own and for herself.

  Jerrica set down the knife, staring at the cutting board. Taking a deep breath and holding onto the edge of the counter, she uttered the last words she would say to Devin that weekend.

  “I have always been up front with you, Devin, of who I am and how I feel. It kills me to admit this now, but I do love you…if you’re not willing to fight for us then at least fight for yourself. My love for you is not strong enough to fight this battle alone. I can’t and I won’t pretend I’m someone I’m not.”

  Devin stepped back as if wanting to say something or anything that would make this situation right between them but nothing materialized. Devin’s phone rang, breaking the silence. Retrieving it from her pocket, she tapped it. “Hello. Yes, I’m ready, five minutes, that’s fine. I’ll be waiting,” she said into the phone.

  Finished, she slid it back into her pocket. They stood in silence for what seemed like eternity. Devin looked up at Jerrica “Jerrica, I’m sorry. I care for you more than I’ve cared for anyone else. I’m sorry that it has come to this. I wish things were different but….”

  Devin broke off as she saw a fresh flow of tears streaming down Jerrica’s face.

  Devin rushed around the kitchen island toward Jerrica. As she reached out for her, a car horn pierced the stillness and she froze in mid-stride. She let her arms fall to her side. The driver had arrived. Jerrica wouldn’t even look at her. She just stared at the counter while the tears continuously fell.

  Devin shifted backward as the horn sounded again. Not knowing what to say, Devin retreated to the front door. Once opened, the driver stepped in, picked up her luggage, and then disappeared outside. Devin stood in the doorway ready to leave. She could hear the soft sobs coming from the kitchen. Turning her head, she saw Jerrica’s tear stained face.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  Through tear-filled eyes, Jerrica watched the car pull away. Even though the car windows were tinted, Jerrica could tell that Devin wasn’t looking back. Jerrica turned her back to the window, sliding down the cupboard doors to the floor, releasing the pain in her heart as she cried.

  †

  Jerrica let the memories fade, focusing on her current surroundings. She felt cold even with the comforter wrapped tightly around her and holding a hot cup of coffee. In the distance, she heard a door close. Ah, the minions have returned, she thought. Not getting up, she waited for them to find her.

  “The back door looks partially open. I bet she’s on the back porch,” Lauren said.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t go out there. Maybe she doesn’t want company. Maybe she wants to be left alone,” Jaime responded,

  “You know I can hear you, right?” Jerrica responded from the porch.

  Stepping around Jaime, Lauren said with a smile. “I think she won’t mind company. Good morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?” Lauren placed herself in the chair across from Jerrica.

  “I feel a lot better this morning,” she said, pulling the comforter from around her head.

  “Well, you still look tired,” Jaime added as she perched herself on the railing.

  “Thanks for the compliment so early in the morning.”

  Jaime looked like she was about to panic when Lauren reached out and touched her knee. “She's messing with you Jaime, calm down.”

  She let out a breath and hopped off the railing. “That coffee looks good. I’m going inside to get some, Lauren, you want any? Jerrica, do you need your coffee topped off?”<
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  Both women looked at one another, a little surprised by the energy level displayed.

  “I could use a cup, thanks,” answered Lauren.

  “I’m good.”

  “Ok, I’ll be right back,” she said as she bounced into the house.

  “That girl has way too much energy,” Jerrica said.

  “Yeah, I don’t know where she gets it,” she said, turning her attention back to Jerrica. “Seriously though, are you ok?”

  “I’m feeling better than I did last night. I don’t know what happened.”

  “Exhaustion, Jerrica. You’ve been working too hard.”

  “I doubt that, Mom. Did you get me chicken noodle soup while you were at the store?”

  “As a matter of fact, I did and ginger ale as well.”

  “You’re my hero, Lauren.”

  “I know.”

  The screen door flew open and Jaime strolled back onto the porch. She was holding two coffee mugs and a plate of cheese and fruit. Placing the tray and Lauren’s coffee on the table between them, “I figured it was close to lunch time and you could use something to eat,” she said, directing her comment toward Jerrica.

  “That was kind of you.” Reaching a hand out, Jerrica plucked a few grapes off the plate.

  Grabbing a slice of cheese in one hand, her coffee in the other, Jaime hopped back on the railing.

  Jerrica enjoyed the grape while she observed Jaime’s actions. “I wanted to talk to the both of you about something,” Jerrica said, sitting up straighter in her chair.

  Lauren and Jaime exchanged glances.

  “Since everyone is now aware of my relationship with Devin,” Jerrica flushed. “I guess it’s time to explain something about myself that you don’t know.”

  Lauren sat back in her chair.

  Jerrica noticed Lauren’s sudden change in body posture. “I know there are things, Lauren, that you know about my past relationships, but there are many other things you don’t know.”