Finding Her Way Read online

  With a contented grin, Madison walked to the nightstand, setting the glasses on top. Reaching out she lightly touched the tousled hair of the now sleeping beauty in her bed. How precious, Madison thought as she flipped the light off. Picking up the blankets, she cuddled up behind Jerrica, spooning her in a warm embrace.

  A small sigh escaped Jerrica’s lips as Madison’s warm arm wrapped around her waist.

  Kissing the back of her neck, Madison lowered her head onto the pillow, letting her own blissful exhaustion overtake her.

  Chapter Seven

  The peaceful sound of a city sleepily awaking for the day was abruptly interrupted with the sounds of a ringing cell phone. Rushing out of bed to find the disturbing noise, Madison fumbled through items on the floor looking for the culprit. Once she exhumed the phone from her pocket, she clicked it on to stop the annoying sound.

  “Hello,” Madison said in a hushed tone.

  “Good morning, my partner in crime,” bellowed the southern voice from the speaker.

  “Olivia? It’s kind of early,” Madison turned scanning the bed for Jerrica. It was empty. “What do you need?”

  “Ah, sugar, it’s not that early, it’s a little after nine. I thought I would find you at work by now, but when I called, they dropped to voicemail. Therefore, I thought I would check your cell. Honey, you ok?” Olivia voiced concern.

  Madison glanced at the pile of clothes on the floor, only hers were there. An uneasy feeling began to creep up Madison’s spine. The room was empty and the apartment seemed quiet. She could hear Olivia blubbering about something on the phone, but her attention was on finding Jerrica. As the panic started to spread, she rushed to the bathroom. The silence she heard from within only accelerated the tension she was feeling.

  Quickly opening the door, Madison met a bright, empty room. She felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her as she leaned heavily against the doorframe for support.

  “Hello? Hello? Hello?” Olivia’s voice increased in elevation.

  Placing the phone to her ear she replied. “Sorry, Olivia, I’m here. I didn’t mean to be late. It’s probably my body adjusting to New England time.”

  “Honey, have you called your parents yet? I bet they would love to see you,” Olivia said sympathetically.

  “I will, Olivia, sometime soon. I don’t have time to think about that right now. Did you need me for something?” Madison was trying to keep her on track without losing her own mind in frustration.

  “Well, since you’re not at the office yet, I need you to stop by my place and pick up some files. I have notes and calls I need you to arrange for me.”

  “That’s it? It couldn’t wait till tomorrow when you return?’

  “You know me.”

  “Yes…yes I do,” she said, shaking her head, “I’ll try to be there in about an hour.”

  She didn’t wait for Olivia to respond but clicked off the phone, tossing it helplessly on the bed. Madison pushed herself off the frame and flipped the light off in the bathroom. Looking across the room, she felt her heart sink.

  Jerrica didn’t wake me when she left, she thought sadly.

  Madison needed to talk to her right away about what happened between them last night. She needed to know why she left without saying goodbye. She had so many questions that only Jerrica would be able to answer. Snatching a towel from the rack, she returned to the bathroom and began her preparations to start the day.

  †

  Waking with a start, Jerrica looked around, confused. She froze when a peaceful moan of slumber emanated from behind her. In a flash, that evening’s exploits filled her mind.

  “Oh no…what have I done?” Jerrica whispered.

  Madison shifted behind her, pulling her closer.

  Please don’t wake up, she prayed silently.

  The feel of Madison’s arms wasn’t at all unpleasant, but Jerrica was becoming unnerved, needing to flee from the situation she knew she had created. With great caution, she rested her hand on Madison’s wrist, carefully lifted her arm. Sliding out from under the warmth, Jerrica glanced briefly at the delicate hand that had given her pleasure only hours before and guilt quickly replaced thoughts of pleasure. Once free of the arm, Jerrica slipped a pillow where she had been laying for Madison’s arm to rest on. Trying to be as quiet as a mouse, she gathered up her clothes in the bedroom, slipping into the bathroom to dress.

  With most of her clothes on, she looked in the mirror. With her hands in her hair, she assessed her reflection. She was a coward, running out like this. They were both adults, they could handle the situation, but instead she was running. Looking away from the mirror, she hated herself.

  Peering out, Jerrica confirmed Madison was still asleep as she made her way across the bedroom to leave. She is beautiful, Jerrica thought, taking one last look before closing the bedroom door. As the door clicked shut, remorse consumed her. Her shame wasn’t because she didn’t find Madison attractive, or hadn’t had fun the past evening, it stemmed from the feeling that she had used someone for her own gratification.

  Rushing toward the living room couch, she seized her shirt, slipping it on. Turning she scooped up her jacket, and headed for the door. Her hand on the doorknob, she stopped.

  Can I really do this? Am I that kind of person who just leaves in the middle of the night? A person who can’t face her own faults?

  With slumped shoulders and head down, she turned the doorknob, leaving the apartment. I guess I am that kind of person, she answered herself as the elevator doors closed.

  †

  Madison went through her morning preps at high speed, anxious to get out of the apartment, especially the bedroom. The memory of Jerrica was everywhere. The hot shower water hit the scratch marks on her back, making her wince for more than one reason. Once dressed, she headed toward the kitchen as quickly as possible, needing coffee. The empty glasses on the carpet reminded Madison why she was rushing to get out of her apartment.

  “Shit,” she mumbled. “Screw the coffee. I’ll get it at work.”

  Madison grabbed her jacket and headed out the door, locking the memories in her apartment.

  Any minute now, that phone will start ringing, Madison hoped as she stared at her cell phone.

  Hailing a cab, she instructed the driver to drive directly to work. She didn’t want to face Olivia and have to lie to her. She was in a hurry to get into work, anxious to talk with Jerrica privately. A messenger sent to Olivia’s apartment was the best she could do right now. She was tempted when she arrived to ask to see Jerrica, but instead went to her own desk. Everyone was so busy working that no one noticed her arrival. Madison knew she had to go into Olivia’s office to finish unpacking, but she didn’t want to leave her desk just in case Jerrica exited her office. She tried not to stare at the closed door as she sat, willing it to open.

  “Good morning.”

  Madison bolted to a standing position, knocking her chair into the person behind her.

  As Jaime bent in agony, she whimpered at Madison. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Oh, Jaime,” Madison quickly moved the chair away, placing a comforting hand on her friend’s back. “I am so sorry. You startled me.”

  Madison softly rubbed Jaime’s back until she started to right herself. “Did I hurt you?”

  “I’m fine. It’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have walked up on you like that.” Jaime rubbed her tummy a couple of times. “Would you like some coffee? I’m headed for the lounge to get a cup.”

  “I’ll come with you. It will be hard to carry four cups of coffee all by yourself,” she said, subtly baiting Jaime for a revealing response.

  “Oh, I was only getting two anyway,” Jaime, replied in her innocent way.

  Not exactly the clear answer I was looking for, Madison thought.

  Walking into the lounge, Jaime was talking about winters in New England or winters near the water. Madison wasn’t sure what Jaime was saying as her mind was preoccupied with getting inf
ormation about Jerrica. Jaime pulled out three coffee cups when Madison spoke waving her hand at the third cup. “No thanks. I think I’ll start my day off with a diet soda, my morning’s already thrown off. I was told we were getting low on cream anyway.”

  Jaime filled the two cups with coffee, than grabbed two packets of sugar, depositing them into one cup before answering. “My whole day is all screwed up if I don’t start it with coffee. I mean it has to be made just right, sweet, and light.” As she stirred in the creamer, she continued, “Jerrica likes hers a little darker than mine, but Lauren likes it black. Yuk! Maybe that’s why she’s always in a bitter mood,” Jaime giggled, than glanced around the room quickly to make sure no one else heard her.

  Madison had retrieved her beverage from the vending machine. With her back against the counter, she waited to see what Jaime did next. She watched closely as Jaime grabbed the cups off the counter, spinning on her heels to leave. Madison felt her stomach flip as she glanced at the cups, one light in color, and one dark. “So no coffee for the boss lady today?” she asked, trying to hide her disappointment,

  “Nope,” Jaime said as they walked out of the lounge, “She’s not here today. Working from home I’m told. It’s just Lauren and me to hold down the fort today.”

  Madison thought she might heave, but since she hadn’t eaten since yesterday, there wasn’t anything left to bring up. Trying to get rid of the sudden cottonmouth feeling, Madison sipped her soda, giving herself time to think in the process. “I know what you’re going through. Olivia is out until tomorrow and I still have to get her office ready. She’s not capable to set it up herself. So I’m here doing my job and hers at the moment.”

  Jaime nodded her head in understanding as they reached Madison’s desk. With a sweet smile, Jaime walked back to her department, depositing a mug on Lauren’s desk before she crossed to her workstation. Jaime waved then turned to pull out her chair, returning to work.

  Madison’s head was whirling. Grabbing stuff off her desk, she entered the solitude of Olivia’s office.

  Chapter Eight

  Jerrica arrived home just as the glimpse of daylight was appearing in the sky. She had stopped by the office to retrieve her briefcase before going home. She left a message for Lauren letting her know she would be working from home today. Dropping her briefcase near the staircase, she slid off her jacket, tossing it toward the kitchen countertop. Her first priority was to put out food for the animals. When that task was completed, she dragged herself upstairs for a shower.

  In the bedroom, she started removing clothes as she crossed toward the bathroom. Jerrica switched on the shower, adjusting it to the right temperature. Removing the last piece of clothing, she paused, sighed heavily, and entered the cascading water. Placing her palms on the warm moist tiles, Jerrica leaned her head under the water spray. Each drop of water tumbling down her body made Jerrica wished her troubles would wash away as well. Several minutes passed before she mustered up enough energy to start the task of cleaning herself. Her mind was racing with images of Madison’s face, images of them making love. Sliding her hands down her sides to rinse off the soap, she could still feel the electricity of Madison’s touch.

  Finally rinsed, Jerrica stepped out of the shower, encasing her tired body in a towel. Leaning on the counter, she again stared at her reflection. Jerrica’s thoughts were cruel toward herself.

  What were you thinking? You initiated this whole thing. She doesn’t deserve this from you. She is a wonderful, giving person and you used her. Then you didn’t have the balls to stick around and face her this morning. You are a terrible, thoughtless person Jerrica Abigail.

  Jerrica lowered her head, letting the tears flow. “What have I done,” she sobbed.

  Jerrica left the bathroom emotionally and physically exhausted. She needed to get some rest, then maybe she could think a little more clearly. Drying off, she slipped into her sleepwear. She grabbed the sleeping pills that she always kept in her nightstand, popped a couple, and closed her eyes tight, hoping restful sleep would find her soon.

  †

  Madison busied herself with unpacking Olivia’s office, but her mind kept wandering back to Jerrica. She has never given herself to someone so completely or enjoyed someone so much. Last night had been the best sexual encounter she had ever had, but it had been so much more… somehow. It had been heavenly until she woke up alone this morning. She needed to talk to her! She needed to know Jerrica’s side. The wait was going to be agonizing.

  †

  Lauren spun her chair toward Jaime the moment Madison disappeared into Olivia’s office.

  “What were the two of you talking about?” Lauren asked as she crossed her arms.

  Continuing to click her keyboard, Jaime answered absently. “Nothing really.”

  “You two seemed to be gossiping on your way back from the lounge,” an irritated Lauren snapped back at Jaime.

  Turning her head in Lauren direction, Jaime responded coolly. “We talked about coffee, doing someone else’s job, oh, and she asked me about Jerrica. That’s it,” Jaime swiveled, going back to her computer work.

  “Why did she ask about Jerrica?” Lauren inquired harshly.

  Jaime spun her chair to totally face Lauren, “Do you have something against Madison? You seem to bristle every time her name is mentioned and you don’t even bother hiding your dislike from her or anyone else.”

  The expression on Lauren’s face never wavered. It was stern, and her jaw was firmly clenched. she answered, between gritted teeth. “I do not have to like everyone we work with. They do not pay me enough to be nice. Besides, I don’t need to explain to anyone why I don’t like her.”

  “I think if you gave her the chance, you would find her a very likable person,” Jaime offered, shaking her head in disbelief.

  Scoffing, Lauren slid her chair around to face her computer, ending the conversation.

  Chapter Nine

  “Olivia, it’s in the folder on the corner of your desk. I told you it was there this morning!”

  This was the third time Olivia had called Madison looking for that same folder. “Hold on, I’ll be right in,” Madison slammed down the receiver.

  Pausing to take a few calming breaths, she stood, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, and moved into the office. Not wanting any confrontation, she strolled to the desk, picked up Olivia’s bag with one hand, and retrieved the file from underneath it with the other hand.

  Snatching the folder from her hand, Olivia made a huffing noise in disapproval.

  Madison smiled weakly at her, turning to leave.

  With the door partially open, Olivia’s voice boomed out. “What the hell is your problem lately?”

  Madison blushed, quickly closing the door, hoping no one had heard Olivia’s loud voice. Rotating on her heels she looked directly at Olivia as she walked toward her, “If we weren’t friends, Olivia, I would knock your block off for talking to me that way.”

  Olivia, now looking concerned, stood to respond. “Honestly Mads, what’s wrong? You have been off your game for weeks now.”

  Madison plopped herself into the chair in front of the desk. She looked at the hands she had folded in her lap. “I have been a bitch, haven’t I? Do not answer that. I’m sorry, Olivia.”

  Returning to her seat, Olivia leaned on her desk to look at her friend more closely. “Madison, what is it? How can I help?”

  Madison could hear the genuine worry in her voice. She had known Olivia for six years now and knew she did care about her. She realized she had been like this for a while now, since she last saw Jerrica. Letting out a long sigh, Madison began her short version. “I hooked up with someone a couple of weeks ago, and I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.”

  “Wait…we’ve only been in New England a little while. Wow, you’re quick, girlfriend,” Olivia said, obviously a little surprised.

  Glaring at her friend, Madison continued. “It only happened once, but I know it was more than just a physical
act between us. I felt a deep connection to her and I know she felt something for me. I know she did! I mean when we hooked up, it was like we had been together for years and knew exactly what one another needed.”

  “So, what happened?”

  “Nothing happened, that’s the problem. She left during the early morning hours. I woke up alone.” Madison voice was cracking under the emotional stress.

  “Oh, come on, Mads, it was just sex. She needed some, you’re a good lay, get past it. Madison, she is not worth all this emotional baggage, especially if she leaves your ass in the middle of the night.”

  Madison looked up from her lap shocked at her friend’s brash words. “You can be a bitch sometimes, Olivia. It’s not like that. I know she felt something and I think—”

  “And you think what, Mads? You enjoyed one another, nothing more. Boston has plenty of lesbians you can date. Chalk it up to a night of great sex and move on to someone else.”

  Olivia gave her a wink and a knowing grin, obviously baiting Madison to say more.

  Madison stood quickly, pounding her fists on Olivia’s desk. “Screw you, Olivia,” she shouted, “It’s not like that! I can’t move on, I’m in love with her!”

  Olivia’s evil grin transformed into a huge smile as Madison slowly returned to her chair, the realization of what she just admitted hitting her.

  In a soft voice Olivia looked at a bewildered Madison. “I know you are honey. I know you are….”

  The perplexing look on Madison’s face made Olivia’s heart go out to her.